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Today's Story Here

February 28, 2005

Hairly There

By Constance Trump of Thurmont

Hair is nothing to mess with. As a newborn, when I was first presented to my mother with my beet red face and shock of wet black hair, I'm told she burst into tears and implored the nurse to double check if I was her baby.

 At 6 years of age, my hair was a long, straight "dirty dishwater blonde" (thanks Grandma) that knotted up whenever Mom decided it needed combing.  The night I forgot to spit out my bubblegum and awoke with it wadded in my hair, I had my first short hair cut. 

As I grew, I got even with it by cutting it to the quick, teasing it into a rats tail when it grew back and paying for several professional "permutations"; some I won, some it won.

Which brings me the subject of hairpieces, made up no doubt, of donations from people who struck the last blow before it could all fall out on them.

Wigs, toupees, extensions, weaves, rugs--all the same idea; a kinder, friendlier "do".  Custom made pieces are exorbitantly priced and the less expensive ones, well, you get what you pay for.  And are they dear!  In a high wind, even the most staid individual might crack. 

I vividly remember my piano teacher, Miss Coffy, waiting for the bus, her hair blowing in the wind, and she too proud to chase it.  As it scurried by, one good stomp brought it down.  Although she thanked me, I don't ever recall seeing her wear it again. 

Which leads me to the burning question, "Where do all the hairpieces go when they've lost their sheen or otherwise been abandoned"? Just try to find one! They're not out there, or are they?  Perhaps they're in disguise.  Can anyone tell me why, say, Uncle Don would want that reverse D A look he's got going, if it isn't really a hairpiece?  But I digress.

Why is it, I wonder, that hair is so troublesome?  Our crowning glory usually isn't and then there's the Other Hair.  The nose, chin, ear, eyebrow stuff that shows up after a certain age that is usually so wiry and stubby it requires sticks, wands, razors, clippers or electrolysis to stop in its tracks.  It costs as much keeping that at bay as it does to bribe, pamper and coo our crowning glory into submission. 

It isn't fair. 

Hair shifts. 

Maybe that Other Hair is really ingrown hair, expressing itself in its senility.  I don't know. 

I just don't mess with it.  I'm all tressed out.