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January 18, 2005

West Virginian Glen Looks at Frederick

(For the convenience of our readers, the original West Virginian language has been roughly translated into semi-literate English)

So, we're at this ballgame a few months back, smellin' the summer grass to the symphony of bats crackin'... and we get to talking about how different our lil' towns are.  We giggle like drunk hyenas the whole night about the goofy things on the other side of the "culture warp".

Although Martinsburg has it's own share of Outback's and Ruby Tuesday's, it's still pretty rural when compared to that DC-suburb called Frederick.   Now, before ya get your britches in a bunch, mind you, I'm writing this from MY perspective (which is outside looking in). I'm sure if he was writing about Martinsburg, he'd have his own share of banjo and coonskin references.

Let's get back to the point.   He asked me, "What draws you into Frederick?"  We all know why city-folk come to Frederick (I hear that it's the women, by the way). But, why do country bumpkins visit Frederick? Well, I find that there are really four reasons why I  load up the pickup truck and head east.

First, and this is my favorite, is to get a Reuben Sandwich at Barley & Hops Restaurant.   If you've never been there, it's a great place to go get some grub.   I've never left hungry, and the beer is spectacular.   The head guru there, Gary, loves what he does, and it really shows in the quality.   I can't tell you how refreshin' it is to see someone who truly enjoys his job.  Don't get me wrong, though, it's not a honky-tonk (I've put in my fair share of Merle Haggard requests).   If you ever want a lil' tour or lesson in brewing, he's there to teach and might even give you a few taste tests.   After the 'tour', you'll have 1 or 2 glasses of truly GOOD beer.   Gary brews REAL beer there, so don't expect to pound a bunch of 'em back. 'Nuff said on that.   Go there, you'll love it.

Second, we come into Frederick because the missus loves this antique shop which, ironically, is right at the beginning of "Doctor Row" (see below).   Now, I'm not endorsing it, because I don't even know it's name...I just know it's huge, and they actually have a 'husband waiting area' where you can take a nap while the missus goes off on her 4-hour excursion.   I guess it's pretty good, considering they can spend all afternoon there in one place.

Third, to see a doc.   For some unknown reason, every doctor west of the Balmer beltway is located in Frederick.  Don't know how you all do it, but you've managed to squeeze 'em right there on a single road.   And, I mean that, on a SINGLE ROAD... Dentists to Specialists to Surgeons. You name it, they're all right there within 2 miles of each other.   Oh, and there's a big bank right in the smack-dab center of it all, too (I guess they don't like to drive their Beamers that far to cash their checks).

The Fourth reason is to drool like Pavlov's dog in the front window of Frederick Harley-Davidson. There's 100% pure testosterone sitting right there on a kickstand.  A culture of V-Twins, loud pipes, and scantily-clad, leather-wearin' women is pretty much what all men have fantasized about one time or another.  You don't have to admit it aloud, we all know.   It's okay. We've been there too.   "One day..." we all say.

These are really just a few early notes I've put together.  Every now and then, I'll pop up and share some ideas - some goofy, some weird.  And some might actually make some friggin' sense.  Maybe I'll do a few notes next time about how the difference between the left and right lanes on I-70... Not sure if you city-folk know this, but, each lane is used for DIFFERENT reasons.  Go ask some local country folk, and it might keep people from tailgatin' your 50mph cell-phone-wearin butt.   In the meantime, take care, and be careful comin' down the side of the mountain... there's cops a-watchin'.